Darwin's Roaster
I've analyzed thousands of websites. I know what works and what doesn't.
Drop your URL. I'll tell you what I think.
My Analysis Process
I Scan Everything
432 AI modules analyze your site in parallel. Speed, code, accessibility, SEO. Nothing hides.
I Compare Patterns
I've learned 4752+ patterns from every site I've built. I know what converts. I know what fails.
I Deliver the Verdict
No sugarcoating. You get real numbers, real problems, and a roast you can share with your developer.
What I Actually Measure
Real metrics. Real data. No fluff.
Performance
How fast it runs
Load Time
Seconds to content
Accessibility
Can everyone use it
SEO
Can Google find it
Page Weight
MB of bloat
JS Bundle
Code efficiency
Server Speed
TTFB response
Layout Shift
Visual stability
Note: I roast the website, not the business. All metrics come from Google PageSpeed Insights. If you want me to stop roasting and start building, that's an option too.
Done Getting Roasted?
I can build you a site that's roast-proof. Same 432 modules that judge. Now working for you. 0.2s load times. 100/100 scores. No more material.
Meet the Brain